This is a personal testimony of how God healed me from schizophrenia and how I got out of homosexuality and drunkeness. How I got to obey God because I fell love with Jesus from my heart! And above all, how it can happen to you if you truly want change from your heart!

Mark 5:18,19 As Jesus was getting into to the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with Him. Jesus did not let him, but said. Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he has had mercy on you

Isaiah 43:24 You have not brought any fragnant calamus for me, or lavished on me the fat of your sins, and wearied me with you offenses. I even I am He who blots out your transgression for my own sake

Ps 109:17,18 He loved to pronounce a curse may it come on him. He found no pleasure in blessing may it be far from him. He wore cursing as his garment it entered into his body like water into his bone like oil

Job 33:18,19 to preserve his soul from the pit his life from perishing by the sword. Or man may me chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress in his bones so that his very being finds food repulsive and his soul loathes the choicest meal

Ps 88:19 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me the darkness is my closest friend

Proverbs 4:19 The way of the wicked is like darkness they do not know where they stumble

Job 20:5 But the joy of the wicked is short and the joy of the wicked is but moment

Hosea 5:4 Their works will not allow them to turn to their God for the spirit of whoredom is within them and the do not know Lord

For decades I was paranoic schitzophrenic , homosexual and alcoholic but Jesus the Saviour freed and healed me.

About two years ago I was cured from mental illness. Before that I spent 6 years in a psychiatric nursing home sleeping 12 hours a night because I was so medicated, While I was in the nursing home my heart often cried because I was so alone with all these difficulties. I felt like my only friend was my morning and evening medication!!! But I did`t know what kind of freedom God had planned for me. I would soon see it!

A little over two years ago I was released from a nursing home, and since then I have not had any mental illness and I have not needed that medication since. Thank God!

As a child satan started whispering to me that I was gay. It was because when I was a little 10 years old a man I knew drunkenly took advantage of me sexually. From then on I was filled with shame, guilt and fear. Satan kept telling me you are gay because you wanted it yourself. I could not silence that voice. I was also terribly afraid of my father, I couldn't get any kind of connection with him that I expected as a boy, let alone feel loved by him. I sought help from the believers because I felt I was homosexual. One said you are not the only one, another said we are all sinners, third said you should shut up, fourth said yes it is your childhood, fifht said why aids is spreading, sixth said accept yourself... How long the list will come out of this!!!

I wondered if this was God's help for trouble souls in the churches. No one told me that if your heart is not changed (sin and repentance) and you not become submissive to God if you don't understand the meaning of being engaged to Christ and your heart is not circumcised with the circumcision of the spirit you will always be like you are.

I had very low self esteem because I was constantly ashamed of myself and the age of 20 I was so defeated that even the sight of a dog would give me a panic attack. I still took refuge in God because I had nothing else. I often felt God speking to me. Still no lasting change happened because it never came from the heart.

At 20, I started living homosexual lifestyle and it led to alcoholism. Many times God in lovingly drew me to him and warned me. However it fell on deaf ears because I did not want to stop parctisipating sin because I could not and did not want it in my heart. Jesus warned to sin no more so that worse would not happen to you echoed on deaf ears and a darkened heart. I asked God why I don't see sinners crying over their sin in meetings and why I do not cry from my heart over this life of sin. The more I sinned the more I used alcohol. I also drowned the Holy Spirit voice with alcohol. It took a few weeks and then...

One time a man came to me through chat. We got drunk for a few days. Then he said he was going to visit the city. He came back completely stoned. I was lying in the bedroom. He rushed into to the bedroom with a stiletto in his hand, jumped on me and then shouted loudly, I am going to kill you now and laughed with a sick laugh. I screamed in terror Jesus help me because I knew that if I died from that I would end up in hell. I had gotten a stiletto in my legs years earlier so I knew. He immediately left me, stopped laughing and ran to living room. I ran outside and called help. I stayed in prayer for this man and after half a year in the morning door bell ring and I opened the door and this man was there. He asked forgiveness and said if I can forgive him. I said because heavenly father had forgiven me of course I forgive you!

A real change happened in my life when I was at a meeting here in Tampere. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong that I had never experienced anything like that before. My heart cried for the insane life of sin that I had led. I had often asked forgiveness with my mouth but it never came from my heart nor did I experience the rebuke and sorrow of the Holy Spirit in my heart that would led to a permanent change. I went to prayer and before the preacher even said anything I started to cry from my heart about my sins. At this meeting preacher did not proclaim the sins that were my problem yet the power of the Holy Spirit was parpable. After that change happened. I experienced great love of God above all through His word. I began to hear daily how God spoke to me through a certain passage of the bible.

I didn't need a transformation but a change of heart that the Holy Spirit brought about. The bible nowhere says that one should be transformed from sin, but that one should turn from it and repent ( when the Holy Spirit convicts you of sin in your heart and gives you the spirit of repentance then the change will happen) Talking about sin will not set you free but it will start to stink the more you beat it just like dried manure on the grass. My life changed and the sins I had lived before were gone. I was made freed from sinning. Also tempetations towards men were also gone so drunkeness also.

I was never able to stop being gay or drinking because my heart had not experience God given sense of sin and repentance. But what was impossible for man that was possible with God.

Pray for a change. Ask Holy Spirit to give you a true conscience so that you can experience it. It is no use if you stop sinning but your heart cries out for any sin. When your heart changes then your sinful deeds will also be removed (circumcision of the heart). If you persistently seek God with all your heart, commit to him daily by surrendering to him from your heart you will surely find him. Surrender to God with all your heart, soul and mind and spirit daily. Remember that you may have been surrendered to sin for decades also give God time so that He can grow you up. Maybe you have spent nights drinking and partying in nightclubs, give God the same time in return seeking His face then you will surely find Him

Jer 29:13

Read God's word it is the most important and powerful weapon for your deliverance and conviction of sin. Seek God until you have a personal connection with Him and something great will happen in your heart and life.

Romans 2:28,29 Acts 7:51 Jer 4:4 Ezekiel 36:25 Matthew 15:8 Isaiah 29:13 Lukas 11:39 Matthew 23:26 Matthew 5:8